I know, it’s been months. I know, I know, I know.
Let’s get the update out of the way and dive right back into blogging. Here’s what you missed:
1.We’re back! (Sort of.)
As you may have read on Facebook, or even seen when you tried to visit here…Drew accidentally deleted MY ENTIRE WEBSITE. The Internet People said that it couldn’t be recovered…but God is bigger than the internet and by a technological miracle, we are making our way back, slowly but surely. Some of the pictures still don’t work and some of the links are wonky. But we’re live. Praise the Lord.
2. Aidah is a year old.
I didn’t expect to love her this way. I read the scary mommy blogs and saw the exhausted parents in Target and I assumed that I would mostly love Aidah in an obligatory or sacrificial way. I expected to love her because it was my responsibility to and because she was adorable and needed me.
But I love her so wholeheartedly- as though I hand-selected her. I love her because she’s genuinely enjoyable. I love being around her. Even the hard times- the 2 months when she didn’t sleep and screamed in pain and we were panicked and exhausted…it was second nature to care for her. Not sacrifice or obligation — just a part of my life, because she is a part of me. If I was sick, I’d get myself medicine and comfort — with no begrudging or resentment. I’d do it because I wanted to feel better. It is the same with her. It’s a reflex, not a resentment. I’m not saying I danced with joy when she screamed at 3 am…but I didn’t hate her or Drew or myself either, like so many people implied that I would.
It’s been a weird year, learning to be the mom version of myself. I’m still adjusting to the idea. I’m still making changes and clearing space. I still wake up and forget that I have a child sometimes. But above all, it’s been a joy.
I could write pages about that little girl. She’s sunshine and mischief and MOTION. She’s always moving and laughing and being sneaky. I love it.
2. I got a new job, teaching creative writing to high schoolers.
It’s been one of the best practices I could have imagined for my craft. I’ve always written from this strange instinctual place – I couldn’t tell you what constitutes good or bad writing…I just knew it when I saw it. Being forced to capture and break down so many concepts that I have simply applied on autopilot (honing draft after draft) is making me a stronger and more efficient writer.
That old cliche about the students teaching me more than I teach them? Ahem. So true.
Kids are funnier and dumber and more creative than adults. The poems that they write are just so dramatic and tragic and weird. The nonfiction they write is vulnerable and simple in a way that makes me take notes. The fiction that they write makes me laugh until I cry.
THEY’RE SO WONDERFULLY WEIRD.
4. My little brother moved home from LA and into our guest room.
He swept in about eight months ago – during our most stressful season, as Aidah was having all sorts of reflux and sleep issues. He was like this freckled, tattooed Mary Poppins, floating in from the City of Angels. He looked around, at the dirty floors and the frozen dinners and the bags under my eyes and he said “You guys are pathetic.” And with this strange mix of exasperation and compassion, he cleaned up our lives. He scrubbed up and cooked real food and made us go get haircuts. He showed up when we needed him the most.
He’s bound to make some more appearances here, as I ease back into writing.
5. Drew? Still doing his Drew thing.
The art, the hair, the booming voice, the ridiculous kindness, the ageless beauty. What a guy. Look at him, shining like the sun. I see you, boo.
Ok, now you’re all caught up. Missed you guys.